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Do children need porn competence?

You often hear the question, “Do children and adolescents need more media skills?” Recently, psychologists demanded, teenager and young people need a porno competence. This raises the question how teenagers are influenced by watching pornography and how they should be dealing with its content. Starting already with grade 7th children begin to watching porn; so a recent study claimed. In particular, boys are affected, says the study "Porn in Web 2.0". This goes hand in hand with the sexual arousal of boys at this age but also healthy, human curiosity. What is even more, the boy wants to be able to have something to say about the subject of sex. Because if you do not know what a gang banger is or what hard-core means, you might be called boring or the outsider by the “cool kids.” However, there is good news to the parents. Primarily children and young people reject violent sex and faecal videos.

Modernity and many unanswered questions

Porn in the Internet - easy to find for kids
©: HaywireMedia - Fotolia

In our day and age, it is extremely easy to see and even get pornographic photos. Because nowadays the saying is true more than ever, he who seeks finds. Everyone can find porn, and all he needs is access to the Internet. Right there is the responsibility of parents and other carers. This of course always depends primarily on the maturity of the child. Because if children are in a sexually mature age, looking at pornography is less concerning, then at the age of primary school. A new and far-reaching study from the UK claims, that already 3% of primary school children look at to pornography. Clearly, this is too early for children of this age; boys and girls should definitely get only controlled access to the Internet. Besides pornography, there is a lot of other, undesirable content, on the Internet. As children get older, however, and the questions begin to pile up, even, porn is not ideal, but at the same time, it is also not as bad as they are always claiming.

Really, which parent is keen on explaining to their daughter how to satisfy a boy and vice versa? That’s one of the reasons why many teens look at porn. Just to learn something and not make a fool of themselves when it comes to the “first time.” Children have an incredible thirst for knowledge in this age, and often they simply are too embarrassed to ask their parents.

This behaviour has much to do with the young person’s environment. Because if the issue were dealt within the family, openly and without shame, then many children would be more willing to ask their parents. Since this is usually not the case, they rather look at porn or ask their friends. Therefore, it is important to give them porn competence. Not just to teach the teen how to deal with porn but at the same time to convey valuable knowledge. Not only, parents need to be more open, but also the schools. Sex education in schools often takes the back burner and more often than not is only addressed on s scientific way, rather than to equip children with practical knowledge.

Education and porn competence

Porn competence means to understand what is actually happening on the screen. Nowadays, there is often no prior information only a follow-up of the already seen. Most children have seen sexual intercourse way before talking with their parents first. Therefore, it is important, to make them understand what’s happening there. Usually, that happens around eleven of twelve years, and often children are overwhelmed by it. Children must be allowed to ask questions. Ridiculing or responding with shame does not help at all. With age, youth will ask those questions, and they need a safe space and place where they can do that. It is of particular importance to take young people seriously. Otherwise, they won’t bother to ask again.

One of the worst responses to your child is, to ban it from watching porn if it starts talking about it. Bans are just a stimulus to do just that. Much more important is an open approach towards the issue and an equally open and factual explanation of what it has is seen. It is also important to explain to the child that porn has nothing to do with love or even the real life. It's much more like a Hollywood film, very unrealistic. The most important thing to prepare children would be an open education, and this should start very early. After all sexual education begins already in the kindergarten. Children want to know where babies come from, where they came from and what is a condom is or a tampon. Never tell the story of the stork, rather start slowly and gently but truthfully. A well-educated teenager can far better deal with pornography, as someone who got little white lies from his parents, times over.

However, not being quite as well educated is not so tragic either. Most of the concerns regarding pornography are very exaggerated; the effects on children is far less than often expected.

Effects of pornography on children

In the media, there is a real porn panic. They are painting a picture of a sexist and disgusting youth regarding pornography. However, this is not true, because the opinions of educators and psychologists are quite differently. Equally, neither science nor any related studies can prove anything of the sort. Therefore, the problem is not really in the porn itself, but more in the child’s environment. Up to date, no study would imply a link between violence in porn and violence towards sex. According to sexologists, that would be completely illogical because sexual behaviour is often determined long before the actual sexual maturity. This behaviour results mainly from the example or role model of caregivers and the relationship with their own body.

watching porn via smartphone
©: alephnull - Fotolia

Therefore, porn in itself is not all that bad. It is rather the social environment of the child which decides how the person will deal with pornographic films and images. We live in an ever more permissive society and yet sex, and pornography continues to be a very uncomfortable topic. A first important step in the right direction is more openness towards this subject. However, countless YouTube videos regarding sex education make their contribution.

Nonetheless, the trends among young people can be seen as very positive. Most young people are well aware that porn does not depict reality, but is fiction. Also, young people, these days wait longer for their first sexual intercourse. And even then it is rather with a permanent partner then through a one-night stand. Overall, 1/3 of young people do not have sex before the age of 18 because they want this first experience with a steady partner. And as they get older, they tend to watch less porn because the interest fades away through the actual experience. There is a lot of fuss about porn while the real problems are somewhere else. If there are any problems with porn than it is always in the environment of the child or young person.

Porn in the youth group

If you ever had anything to do with young people, you also will have made the following experience: There are always some kids who talk about porn, bring some magazines or exchange porn clips on their handy.

As a youth worker, how should you deal with this?

One must distinguish here what has been said above. Principally, just observe the situation and worry less. After all, this is an issue that falls within the competence of parents. In terms of a child or youth worker, your duties of care are supervision and the protection of young people.

1. I would ask the children or teenagers not to bring this to the youth group. You can justify that legally and let young people know that this is not allowed. However, if they take this to heart as well is an entirely other matter. However, you can try to explain that to them, which gets us to the next point.

2. I would try to get to start a conversation in regards of pornography. What’s so interesting about it? Is it curiosity? Is it insecurity? Is it lack of education? What are the reasons? Depending on the age of the young people this can develop into a good discussion, but it also can quickly become ridiculous and childish because of the insecurity of youth.

3. Watching porn with the youth group or make the material accessible to other children must not be tolerated. Here I refer to paragraph § 184 (this applies to Germany, in other countries, there may be other regulations and laws): Distribution of pornographic writings. It can happen quite easily that parents turn up on your doorstep accusing you of “abetting of distribution or accessible-making pornographic writings.” Always stay on the safe side.

(Note: in other countries there might be similar or other regulations)

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