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Sketches

Page 3

  1. The royal paper

    The king sits on his throne and orders a servant: „Bring me my paper!“ The servant runs off and comes back with a newspaper. „Those are not royal papers! Bring me my royal papers at once, on the double!“ The servant hurries away again and brings a folder with important documents.

    „Those are not the papers I mean. Go and fetch the right ones!“ The servant comes back another 1-2 times with the wrong papers. Finally another servant comes along and brings a roll of toilet paper. The king: „Ah, finally. My royal paper.”

  2. Dog poo

    A boy comes running along with a carton under his arm. He meets two friends and asks: „Could you two look after my box for a while? I’m just going to the shop to buy a few sweets. You can have some as well.“ „OK, we’ll do it“, says one friend and takes the box. „Hmm the box is heavy and a bit leaky here.“ He tries to taste it with his fingers to find out what it is. „It seems to be a curry sauce!“. His friend tries it as well and thinks: „No, it tastes like orange juice!“ Their pal then comes back from the shop. „Thank you, my friends. Here are your sweets.“ He opens the box, pulls a little dog out (cuddly toy) and says: „Oh Rover, couldn’t you wait?“.

  3. Raisins

    A walker flaps around swatting a fly. He tries to hit they fly, finally manages it and swats the fly to the ground in a wild fight. With his chest pushed out with pride and pleased with his win, he walks away from the scene. The next walker comes along and sees the fly lying on the ground. „Oh great. A dead fly. I love pulling the wings off dead flies!“

    He does this and walks on. A new passer-by appears, sees the fly and says: „Super, a dead fly. I love pulling the legs off dead flies.“ He does this and walks on happily.

    A new passer-by appears. This person pulls the head off the fly because he likes to do this. Now another passer-by appears. „Oh a raisin“, he says, throws the raisin in his mouth and walks off.

  1. Camera - action

    A film scene is performed. On stage are the director, cameraman and a few actors of course, who must perform a certain action scene. The director is annoyed because the scene keeps having to be repeated as it never works like he imagines.

    The director tells everyone to take their place while the cameraman tries to tell the director something. Cameraman: „Excuse me…!“ „Not now. The scene is being retaken. Annnd – AAAction!“

    The scene is performed just like the director wanted. However he did not like the way one or the other actors performed and screams: „Cut! It’s not working people. I need more emotion and drama please!“ The cameraman tries to interrupt again: “Excuse me, but…!” „Man, are you annoying. Can’t you see that we are in the middle of our work. So, everyone to the positions – aaaand – AAAction!“ However the scene has to be repeated again and the cameraman tries to say something again. Eventually the scene is in the bag and the director is more than relieved, „Phew, that took a while but I think we now have the perfect scene. Let us have a look!“ All of them stand around the cameraman to see him play back the scene. However the cameraman shrugs his shoulders and says: „I’m sorry but I did try to tell you that there is no film in the camera!“

  2. The snake bite

    2 hikers sit down and take a break. One of them suddenly says: “Oh man! A snake has bitten me!“. The friend: „Keep calm. I’ll use my mobile to call a doctor and ask him what we should do.“ He calls and the doctor answers: „Hello what’s the problem?“ Friend: “My has been bitten by a snake. What should I do?“ Doctor: „First of all, you’ll have to suck the poison out!“ Friend: „Aaahaa…“,hesitates, procrastinates and then hangs up and says to his friend: „The doctor said, we can’t do anything and you’re going to die!“

  3. The king’s raisins

    The king is hungry and asks for his royal raisins. He asks the first butler to bring his royal raisins. The first butler goes away, comes back and brings raisins with him. „Here, your royal highness, are the best tasting raisins in the land. The grapes from this region are made into the best wine in Germany!“ the king tastes them: „Yuck, these raisins are awful. I wouldn’t even use them as poison for my worst enemy! Bring me my royal raisins!“ The next butler runs off and brings new raisins, this time the raisins come from Bordeaux in France. However these seem to be the wrong raisins as well. This carries on for another 2-3 scenes. The king becomes more and more testily impatient. The king asks: „Why can’t you bring me my raisins like I had in the past days and weeks?“ The last butler says: „I cannot be consoled and I am really sorry that I cannot bring your raisins, but my rabbit is dead!“

  4. Small stone

    In the Red Indian primary school, the teacher is waiting for his pupils. There first pupil appears, obviously too late. „What is your name and why are you late?“ asks the teacher. “Quick Foot. I threw the Small Stone into the river!“ „I hope that you will try to be more punctual in future!“ The next pupil arrive soon after. In reply to the questions about his name and why he his so late, he answers: „ My name is Little Lazy and I threw the Small Stone at birds in the trees.“ The next pupil also had a reason ready: „I am Clever Fox and I saw how the Small Stone fell over the cliff and landed in the water below“. The class is almost complete and the last pupil finally comes around the corner. He is relatively dirty, with ripped Indian clothes, blood on his face and is limping along towards the teacher. „What is your name? Have you chucked a Small Stone somewhere as well?“ In reply to this question, the little Indian says: „My name IS Small Stone!”

  5. The baby

    Everyone is sitting a in row in a train compartment. A passenger says to a lady with a baby in her arms: “Oh my goodness, that is the scariest baby I have ever seen!” The lady is quite offended and says: „What rubbish are you talking? You should be ashamed of yourself!“

    The passenger replies: „I can understand that you love your child, but take a look – that is not normal“ The lady calls out for the guard. The guard: „Yes, my dear, what is the problem?“ „This person beside me is unkind, unpleasant and is saying horrible things about my child“ the guard says to the passenger: „Please leave this train at the next station.“ The passenger says to the guard: „Take a look for yourself, isn’t the baby awful?“ The guard says: „Please leave this carriage immediately“, and to the mother he says: „We do our best for our guests. Should I bring you a coffee?“

    The lady: „That is very kind of you!“ The guard then continues: „And if I am on my travels anyway, should I bring a banana for your monkey?“

  6. The lie mummy

    In the variety show, the game leader introduces an ancient Egyptian lie detector to the audience - The lie mummy. The mummy is wheeled in with the help of two assistants. The game leader then asks the spectators some questions ("Have you secretly smoked? How often do you clean your teeth?") With every answer which the mummy does not believe to be the truth, she wobbles more or less alarmingly. As one of the spectators answers a difficult question, she falls over completely.

    Option:
    The son comes home – the mother asks him for the results of his maths test. After much deliberation, he has still not told her the result. The mother brings in the lie mummy. The mummy wobbles around until the son admits that he got an “F”. The father soon joins the scene and makes a drama because of the “F”. The father then claims: "In those days, I never had a test result worse than a “B” in maths” – cue for the mummy to fall over.

  7. The dog bite

    Complaining loudly, the patient appears on the scene: Such a biiiggg dog has bitten him in the leg and it hurts soooo much. The doctor’s assistant tries to take down his details without any success. Then the doctor arrives and tries to calm down the suffering patient. He screams louder and louder the more bandages are removed. The leg can finally be seen – but no dog bite.
    Patient: "Thheen it must have misssssed!"

  8. House search

    A family are watching television one evening and the show “Crimewatch” is on the television. The father tells the family about his 100 € he won in a bet. The door bell rings. The person at the door says he is from the criminal police counterfeit squad and is looking for counterfeit 100 € notes. The father pulls out his 100 € note. The policeman tells him to keep his eyes open and takes the note with him. The family is shocked as the Crimewatch presenter presents the next crime – clever criminals who pretend to be policemen and make off with real 100 € notes, telling the people that there are counterfeit.

  9. Counterfeit money

    Wearing striped jackets (possibly pyjamas); two jail birds are talking about why they are in prison. The first is jailed because is had stabbed an officer (unfortunately with a knife), the second had printed counterfeit money: First of all 10 € notes, then twenties, then fifties – he was only growing the business…!

  10. My favourite worm

    This sketch takes place between a teacher and pupils or a group and group leader during a day out. In a whining voice, a child says: „I am tired. I want a break.“ The leader says: „That is not possible at them moment. We have a long journey in front of us.“ The child: „No, I am tired. I’ll tell my mummy, that we didn’t stop even though I couldn’t carry on.“ „Ok, we’ll take a 2 minute break.“ The whole group stops. The child: I want to sit down here“ „But that is dirty and wet. It’s better to stay standing and recover yourself.“ Despite this, the child sits down: „Come and sit down next to me!“ „No, it is dirty.“ „I’ll tell my mummy!“ „No, I’ll get messy!“ „I’ll tell my daddy!“ „Ok, then I’ll sit down!“ the child sees a worm. „Oh, look, a worm. Pick it up for me“ „No, pick it up yourself.“

    „I’ll tell my mummy“ „No“ „I’ll tell my daddy“ „No” „I’ll tell the headmaster/camp director“ „OK, here is your worm!“ and gives the worm to the child. The child: „Rip it into two bits“ „Do I look mad?” “I’ll tell the headmaster/camp director” “No problems. I am not crazy“ „I’ll scream…!” The child starts screaming and everyone turns around. „Ok, here is your worm in two halves!“ The child says: „Eat one half!“. „That is awful. I’ll never eat it!”

    The child starts to scream again, but much louder than before. „Ok, I’ll eat half of the worm! … Why won’t you quit screaming?” the child screams more and says in a crying voice: „You ate my half“, and screams even louder.

  11. The bear in the undergrowth

    2 boys are sitting around the camp fire. There is a rustling in the undergrowth. „Did you hear that? It sounded like a bear!”. „Yes, I heard it as well.“ The rustling carries on. Obviously nervous, one of the boys takes his hiking boots off. The rustling noise is heard again. The boy now pulls his sport shoes on. His friend asks: „Why are you putting your trainers on? Do you believe you’ll be faster than a bear with them?“ „No, but quicker than you!“

  12. Blind woman

    A woman hangs a cloth over her face and goes on her way. She meets a man who asks: “My good lady can you see anything at all?” The woman replies “I don’t need to I’m blind anyway!!!”

  13. Second Hand

    A woman goes into the store. Over it is written SECOND HAND!! She asks the sales woman: “Good lady, do you have a second hand for me?” Upon this the sales woman responded: “but we do not sell second hands, now please…” Thereupon the woman replied outraged: “but it says SECOND HAND!!!!”

  14. The impatient one

    In a long queue 4 people are sitting on chairs and reading newspapers. All of a sudden the first man in the queue whispers to the guy next to him: “Are we finally there?”. This was passed all the way to the end. The others replied saying: “Almost!” This repeated itself three times. Later the impatient one whispered again: “when are we finally there?” As this reached the end they all said “NOW!” and they all turned over the pages of their newspapers.

  15. The chair

    (This story can be presented individually or with several people. Whereby the story with different voices is most popular)

    By popular demand from an individual lady, today we want to tell the story of the chair.

    Here it is:
    A simple woman from the community had twinges of stomach pain and decided to see a doctor. The good doctor examined and felt her and shook his head saying: “Dear lady, bring me your stool tomorrow!”

    The woman, let’s call her Emma, wavered with a sorrowful face back home and said to her husband: “That is one strange doctor. He wants me to bring him one of our stools. But they are all so worn out - we will make fools of ourselves. What shall we do?”

    Karl the husband had a suggestion: “Our neighbour has just bought new furniture, let’s borrow one of his stools.”

    The next day Emma sat with the brand new neighbours chair in the waiting room. As she stepped into the room, the doctor asked, stunned, what she wants to do with the chair. “But doctor, you told me that I should bring a stool with me!”

    “Dear lady, you misunderstood me. I need YOUR stool”. Emma went home remorseful.

    “Karl, the doctor is a clever man – you can not fool him. He noticed straight away that this isn’t our stool.” “So, Emma go tomorrow, and in God’s name take one of our stools with you.”

    The next day Emma again entered the doctor’s surgery. The doctor rose up “What in the devils name are you bringing me this time?” Emma replied tearfully “but, sir doctor, this is with certainty one of our stools, please believe me!”

    “Dear God are you slow on the uptake! I have no interest in your furniture, I need your stool – your excrement!”

    Now Emma started crying and asked “I don’t know what all this is, Doctor!”

    Sighing, the doctor sat down again “Ok, so I will explain it to you in good English. I need your Shi…! You need to be examined. Come again in three weeks and bring it with you. I first need a holiday!”

    The three weeks went by. When they were finally over, Emma said on warm summer’s morning to her Karl “So, Karl, it has finally come to go to the doctor, and he will be really pleased that I understood him correctly! You carry the two suitcases and I will carry the buckets.”

  16. Put-Put-Put-Put

    Farmer: Ernst! - Ernst!

    Servant: Bo...bo...bo...boss!

    Farmer: So what is wrong, you wanted to talk to me?

    Servant: Yes, bobo…boss, I..i..i..i am qui…qui..qui…., I’m resigning!

    Farmer: (stunned) You are resigning? But why?

    Servant: Because I’m being over worked….. as as in because of the stress!

    Farmer: Stress? What kind of Stress?

    Servant: Well, I always have to take care of the ch… of the ch… of the ch…of the chh

    Farmer: Chickens!

    Servant: Prompting me is not allowed. I always have to tend to the poultry. So every morning I cry Put-Put-Put-Put, and the ch..chickens all come ou-ou-ou-ouou..out!

    Farmer: So what?

    Servant: And then in the evenings I have to bribribribri.. bring them in again!

    Farmer: yes and so?

    Servant: Then they all go i..i..i..i…in apart from o.o.o.o..one!

    Farmer: Oh?

    Servant: It wi..wi..wi…wi.. it doesn’t want to! So I always say to the ch..

    Chicken: Go i.i.i.i.i…in otherwise I’ll hit you until you are ka..putputputputput!

    Farmer: And so?

    Servant: (Tearfully he concludes) Then all of them come back out!

A few sketches with volunteers

These sketches are also suitable for a practical joke evening

  1. After the duel

    For this sketch you will need 2 volunteers to have a dual against each other. However both die at the same time and are now lying on the ground. Along come the grave diggers with an assistant to measure the bodies up for the coffin. One of the grave diggers now measures the bodies. He starts with the head, arm, stomach etc. and gives the measurements to the assistant, who notes them down. Then it is the left leg’s turn. He lifts it up to measure the inside leg length. He then continues with the right leg. As soon as he lifts the leg up, he pours a beaker of water (which has been prepared beforehand) into the trouser leg. It looks even better if the “corpse” waits a little while before noticing that the water has been poured into his trouser leg before becoming coming to life again.

  2. The clairvoyant

    The great clairvoyant introduces himself to the audience. „I am the great clairvoyant…….and can look into the future. Some clairvoyants look to the stars or use a glass ball, but I am better than that, I look at the soles of a person’s shoes.“ He asks for a volunteer to come forward. The volunteer takes his shoes off and gives them to the clairvoyant. „Oh yes, I can see that you will have a long and happy life!“ Another 1-2 candidates are requested to come forward. The clairvoyant says to the final volunteer: „Oh yes, I can see that you will take a long journey very soon.“ Instead of giving the shoes back, the clairvoyant throws the shoes away as high and as far as possible.

  3. The caterpillar

    For this sketch, you will need 5-6 kids, who are bent down at the knee and holding onto the waist of the person in front. A large blanket is thrown over them all so that they look like a large caterpillar. One person holds a beaker of water under the blanket which the audience cannot see. The tamer of this fantastic caterpillar tells the audience what amazing things this caterpillar can do. Different acts are performed. For the last act, a volunteer is required. The volunteer lies on the ground and the caterpillar will walk over him without touching him. The caterpillar walks alongside the person lying on the floor, but the person with the water lifts up his leg for all to see and pours the beaker water onto the volunteer. The trainer then apologises to the audience and says: „Oh I forgot to tell you that my caterpillar is not quite toilet trained!“

  4. On the hunt

    The group leader tells the kids: „there is nothing better than watching animals in the woods. This can be difficult with a large group. However we will give it a go. We’ll all stand in a row next to each other and bend down at the knees a little. When I say „Hey, look” and point in a direction, everyone has to point in this direction and look.“ The whole group tries this out a couple of times. The group leader now points in a direction, so that all of kids have to turn their heads away from him to look in the direction given. In this moment, the group leader throws himself onto the person standing next to him so that a chain reaction occurs, all group members lose their balance and fall over. It is more of a game than a sketch but can be used in a variety evening or club party.

Page 2 with more Sketches

Page 1 with more Sketches

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