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Family holiday in a perfectly normal family


Father, mother, Tina und Andrew

Mother: Come on, we want to set off! Have you been to the toilet?
Andreas: Mum, how old are we?
Mother: Well get ready then. Dad is already waiting in the car.
(Tina, Andrew and mother carry lots of bags to the car)
(Father is standing by the car and is washing it)
Mother: What are you doing now? We wanted to leave half an hour ago.
Father: Do you want to drive in a dirty car? Cleanliness is next to godliness.
Mother: Then I’ll fetch the rest of the luggage from upstairs together with the kids.
Father: What, there’s more? We’ll never manage it. We’ll overload the car. It’ll even be possible that we’ll have a broken axle on the motorway. You’ll have to unpack some stuff.
Mother: Ach, you and your bad luck theories. I have only packed the essentials.
Father: Oh yes, and why do we need a whole library of books and 4 pairs of shoes each? Anyway, I ask myself why you have packed the thickest winter coats, it is summer. Have another think about what we really need. I’ll be finished with the car soon.
Mother: Men. If it were up to you, we’d hardly have fresh underwear for everyone.
Andrew: Both of you make such a drama at first. We should pack our bags 2 days beforehand and then when we want to set off, you aren’t ready yourself.
(Andrew sits in the car; Tina and mother fetch the rest of the bags from the flat)
(Father loads the car up)
Tina: If everything is in, we can get going. (To Andrew) That is my place. Get off.
Andreas: Bad luck, I’m sitting here now. I was here first.
Tina: That isn’t nice. I helped mum so I couldn’t have gotten there before you. Mum, Andrew won’t get out of my place.
Mother: Then sit on the left side.
Tina: It isn’t fair – he always has to be right.
Father: So...enough of the drama here. Otherwise you’ll both be staying here. If everything has been packed, we’ll start off.
(Father starts the motor)
Andrew: Stop, I have to go back upstairs, I’ve forgotten something. Can you give me the key?
Father: Boy, you realise now that we want to set off. You’ve got one minute, otherwise we’ll leave without you.
(Andrew runs up the stairs to the flat, Tina sits in Andrew’s place)
Father: Man, man: always the same story with kids. We should really drive off without them once day.
Andrew: Hey, out of my space, I am sitting there.
Tina: You can see that I’m sitting here now, bad luck.
(Sticks out her tongue)
Father: (Annoyed) you are two finally finished with the arguing? Andrew, sit down on the left side otherwise we will really drive off without you.
(Andrew climbs in grudgingly, the car drives off, and they drive a little while)
Father: Man, something smells strange. They’ve probably laid tarmac in one of the side streets.
Andrew: No, that smells different.
Mother: Yes, it keeps getting worse. Can that possibly be coming from our car?
Father: No, that’s ruled out, that can’t be the case. I took the car to the garage yesterday and they checked everything over. Our car is in top shape.
Tina: Mum…why is that lever there up in the air. It is usually down when we are driving in the car.
Mother: Oh, Egon, the handbrake is not released properly.
Andrew: Ah, no wonder that it stinks so much, I would have realised sooner or later.
Father: Which one of you has been playing around? I have told you before that there is to be no messing around in the car.
Mother: Calm down. Nothing has happened. It’s more than likely that you haven’t released the brake properly yourself.
Father: Ach, I have been driving a car for 15 years and that has never happened to me.
(Everyone is silent for a while)
Tina: Dad, can you make a stop? I desperately have to go to the loo.
Father: What? We haven’t even driven 10 km and you need the toilet already. Why didn’t you go before we left?
Tina: I did go but with the time it took to leave, that was a long time ago.
Father: You’ll have to wait. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.
Tina: But I really can’t hold on any longer. Then I’ll have to make the seat wet.
(Father breaks hard and turns off to the right)
Father: Man, what type of holiday should this be? We aren’t even there yet and I am totally knackered.

Author: Thomas Baberowski

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